Priority - The Hubby

Last night Eric and I discussed what it means to be a stay-at-home mom. I won't quote him because this is a "g" rated site ;-). Having to take care of the kids for the past two days while I was sick really had an impact on him. He was more than happy to return to his "desk job and his computer" today. I was filled with love!

Today as I was running around trying to get caught up on the laundry, I stopped and stared at our wedding picture for a minute. Eric looks so young without his goat-tee. (Pretty sure that's not the correct spelling of it). I said a little prayer of thanksgiving for Eric and turned my prayers to our children. Mid prayer, I felt a little thought creep in. 'What do you children see?' When I look at that picture of our wedding day it reminds me of how much I truly LOVE Eric.

I dropped to my knees and begged my Heavenly Father for forgiveness.

I read somewhere that "Marriage is falling in love many times...with the same person." This is so true! I find myself falling in love with Eric over and over. But when I really stopped to think about it, I don't always SHOW Eric that I love him, especially in front of our kids.

I made a list of things that I am determined to improve on.
1. Improve the atmosphere.
Eric always calls when he's on his way home. I need to take that time to create a positive atmosphere that he is glad to come home too---despite the circumstances. I will greet him at the door with a hug, kiss and welcome home. I especially want to teach this to my kids. Daddy coming home is going to be a celebration everyday---despite the circumstances.

2. Spend more time together.
I am constantly complaining that 'we don't ever do anything together'. Which is not true. I need to use everyday opportunities to spend time with him, and make them enjoyable. I've decided to start working out in the evening and I know this is something that he wants to do, too. So I'm going to formally invite him to join me in exercising. Every time. Not an open ended invite.

3. Show a little PDA from time to time.
I don't want to scar my kids for life by making out with Daddy at the dinner table, so instead I've decided to offer a little peck from time to time. I married my prince charming. (Even if prince charming can clear the room with his farts). :-) Seriously, our kids need to know love is wonderful and God's love is even greater.

So here are my three new challenges to make Hubby a priority.

Priorities

Having to stay in bed alone with my thoughts I've started to re-think my priorities.

I've teetered on the edge of throwing my hands up in the air and giving up. It's a hard job for me, being a mother of three. I find that I have been keeping a tally of good days and bad days, without even realizing it. My fuse has become shorter and shorter and my despair greater and greater. For some reason I'm struggling to find a balance with three kids most days. In thinking more about why I keeping feeling this way I discovered that it was not everyday that I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. The bad days are those days when my housework has fallen behind or I haven't been able to have my special time with the kids. One thing that has greatly helped me has been to re-focus my priorities. Fun things for myself that I enjoy, time with my kids, time with Eric, a good attitude, my mom's group, bible study, the house, and different things I do for our church are some of the large catagories on my plate. Sound familiar?

I found my family suffering because I had too many things on my plate. I love to serve. Mike Holmes said, "Jack of all trades, master of none." When I looked at my plate and the things that filled it, I found that the things that I wanted to focus on where being pushed aside to make room for the small things that were of some "less" importance. I have since cleared my plate of some of those small things and I've turned my focus back to the ministries I feel God is leading.

Our merciful God promises not to give us more than we can handle. It's easy for me to feel that I should bear the load. When, in truth, God gives me the load so that I turn to Him to help me carry it. God has blessed me with three children. I need to rely on Him for strength instead of a can of Coke ;-).

To be honest, when I really took the time to think about why some days seemed so much harder than others, I was ashamed at what He Revealed. On those bad days I look at my job as a mother as a burden instead of a blessing. I love being a mom and I need to find that joy on the dark days of despair.

I need to see my role as a mother as a challenge. A challenge from the Lord to glorify Him, lean on Him, grow in Him and teach His children through all this. How? I've decided to use the "brainwashing" method proposed by Rebecca in a previous post. I need to change my thinking and replace my negative thoughts with His word.

Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God."

Here is the first verse of many, I'm sure, that I will hide within my heart for the days that I feel burdened instead of blessed.

A friend from far coming near

I have put off posting about my excitement with the approaching events of next week, but after reading the words from a friend most dear to my heart, I feel the time has come.

I have the pleasure, and I mean pleasure, of meeting a gal who has been a mentor to me for some time now. My mother-in-law, (though she is not referred to as such) has graciously given me a wonderful gift; the opportunity to meet Rebecca. I love the way Mom sees a time when she can do something for someone else, seizes that opportunity and takes it beyond expectations.

So I bring the question to those who are married.... What is your relationship with your mother-in-law? I have the pleasure of seeing this woman, show love to my children that can only be compared to the same love I share with them. It's an amazing thing to witness how much they truly love her. She has made a home for them within her home. Not only for my children, but for me as well. It is my home away from home. It's the silly things that touch my heart like forgetting to get corn bread mix at the grocery store. I just called Mom, and of course, she had some and brought it over. Did I mention the only way I even made it to the store was because she was watching my kids? She had earned my respect instead of demanding it. She built our relationship on the foundation of our shared love for my children, a bond that is stronger than any girl's lunch, shopping trip or gift. But I will admit when we do those lunches and shopping trips I "force" myself to have a good time :-). HA!

Now that I have been blessed with this opportunity to finally meet the Rebecca (I only know through her writings and photos), I am excited and nervous. Christi Mary Warner said "A true friend is one who know all about you and likes you anyway." I have learned so much and have grown so much as a person because God has used her to mentor me in a time when I needed it most. I am thankful she is not perfect. I have found great comfort in knowing that she shares the same struggles.

1 Thessalonians 5:11- Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

How can I let this person know how much I respect, admire, love and cherish our friendship? I have this opportunity to meet my mentor, what can I possibly say to express my appreciation? Can a hug say too little or more than words every could? I hope the latter.

As she reads this I can imagine Rebecca's thinking that I'm putting her on a pedestal. There is no room for disappointment because God doesn't make disappointments.

So there! ;-)

Friends far and near

I received a card in the mail that I just couldn't pass up the chance to talk about. It was from a girlfriend of mine that I truly love. She is so beautiful (she'd disagree). I love being around her and wish we lived a little closer. I used to work with her before we had kids. Now that we both have kids we have more in common and have more excuses to see each other :-).

Anyway, this card was filled with encouraging words and how thankful she was for our friendship. I sat there holding this card in my hand, staring at the words she had written in disbelief. I always place myself on the other side of the fence: in admiration of others.

I have two great new friends that have blogs, Rebecca & Tracy. Though I have never met either of them, both have impacted my life. Impacted. On the days when I am most down I pull up their blogs and feel my spirit soar. It is in Tracy's blog that I find myself marveling at this woman that God has transformed from her difficult past into a glowing flower of encouragement. One one particular occasion she decided to get up early for church and "dapple" in the kitchen to create a beautiful cheesecake. How wondrous! It is in Rebecca's blog that I find a sister to share my aspirations of being a better mother and christian. I laugh, I cry and I thank God for her. When she shares her struggles I REJOICE in sharing in the same struggles in my own life. I cannot count the lessons that He has revealed through her. Every night I sit reading their blogs. When I finish reading I sit there with my hands on top of the laptop and pray for these women thanking the Lord for them and the technology of the Internet to learn from them. I love both these women like sisters.

So I sat there staring at this card I received in utter shock, not knowing what to say or do. To have touched someone's life the way others have touched mine is remarkable to me. It is a reminder that I need to get off the pity-pot and remember who I am, a daughter of the King, witness to His goodness rather than self-glorification.

Thank you, Jennifer, I hope you read this. You sent that card to tell me how you appreciate me, but in the end, I find myself in appreciation of you.

Where's my gold star?

I had a very planned, detailed part this past week. The guest list was small but significant, ME MYSELF & I. I took a lot of time to spend on decorations of self-doubt, selfishness and complaining. I feasted on lies and misconceptions. I took part in the daily activity of pity for days on end.

I decided to give the Great Doubter, who had been my guest of *honor* this past week, the boot! I swiftly turned to a mirror and gave the host a good swift kick in the rear-end. (You should have seen that).

I received the much needed strength for the swift kick from our awesome God in more than one way.

I read recently that some of the great cathedrals in Europe were carved by (one) men, whom no one remember, (two) the builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished, (three) they made great sacrifices and expected no credit, and (four) the passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

There are so many days I unappreciated. Doesn't anyone see how tired I am.... see the sacrifices I make... see the struggles I overcome... the great things I do (in my mind)... see the small things... see the large things.... doesn't anyone see what I've done? Where's my gold star? (A job well done).

God does.
Today I decided to please my Heavenly Father and really learn the meaning of pleasing Him rather than earning self-glory. I need to maintain my home because God gave me this home. I need to maintain myself because I am a beacon for His light. I need to maintain my children because they are His children.

I'm going to try an experiment. My hypothesis is that I will feel silly sometimes. Every time I set out to complete a task, something that no one else but me will notice, I'm going to show God. I'm going to have a conversation with my Lord and SHOW Him what I've done for HIM. So the next time I get the kitchen cleaned I will show my Lord that I have taken care of what He provided for me. "Look how shiny I made this stove that you provided for me to cook the food that you provide for our family." I want to change my thought process, and the only way to do that is to change the way I think inside my mind. How can we break a habit? Start a new, better habit. How? Practice, practice, practice.